I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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