Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
