Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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