I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
