I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
