if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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