R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
