I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
