She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
