Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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