wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
