$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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