do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
