thus making me awesome and them whores
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
