this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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