I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
