i would punch a child for taco bell
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize