I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Semen is not good for contacts.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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