$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize