Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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