My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
