That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
