And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
