Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
