Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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