Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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