My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The power of my boobs compel you
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
