Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
