you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That accounts for only three of the penises
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
