How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
