I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
