they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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