Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
