who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
