if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
All I want is dick and wine.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
