Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
