is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize