if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
