Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize