wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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