lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
