I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
