wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Can vaginas get frostbite?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
