My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
