i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
