Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Houston, we have a blender
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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