I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
