trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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