The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
