he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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