Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
