I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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