I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
