It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
