Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
