Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
