I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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