Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
