Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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