STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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