I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
