tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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