When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize