I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
