at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
