You don't have asthma, your pregnant
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
