We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
