Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
