i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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