I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize