I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
