hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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