good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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