I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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