that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
