I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
