i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
